HIBERNIAN

n. the Classical Latin name for the Irish.

Lovingly referred to by the Reverend Ian Paisley as "the Puerto Ricans of the 19th Century," the Irish came to America in massive waves after the British outlawed Gaelic and enforced The Cleanliness and Enlightenment Act of 1849, which forcibly bathed and educated every man, woman and child in Ireland. This Act was violently resisted by the aboriginal population and resulted in mass migration to more sympathetic climes like Boston and New York, where ignorance and filth were not only tolerated, but encouraged.

The Irish thrived in their new surroundings. They rose to great fame and prestige as public servants. They established professional sports franchises. They also went into the restaurant business. Many even learned to read and bathe more than once a week. Not bad for sad castoffs of a decaying empire!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!