BASOREXIA

n. a strong craving or hunger for kissing

RHINOTILLEXOMANIA

n. obsessive picking of one's nose.

Looks like Dr. Ira Fingerman, Proctologist, has picked a winner in more ways than one. Lucky bastard. I just hope Sphincterina doesn't find out. She'll $hit all over him. Either way, Amy Winehouse sure knows how to party.

SPECIESISM

n. the assumption of superiority of humans over other animal species, especially to justify their exploitation.

HIBERNIAN

n. the Classical Latin name for the Irish.

Lovingly referred to by the Reverend Ian Paisley as "the Puerto Ricans of the 19th Century," the Irish came to America in massive waves after the British outlawed Gaelic and enforced The Cleanliness and Enlightenment Act of 1849, which forcibly bathed and educated every man, woman and child in Ireland. This Act was violently resisted by the aboriginal population and resulted in mass migration to more sympathetic climes like Boston and New York, where ignorance and filth were not only tolerated, but encouraged.

The Irish thrived in their new surroundings. They rose to great fame and prestige as public servants. They established professional sports franchises. They also went into the restaurant business. Many even learned to read and bathe more than once a week. Not bad for sad castoffs of a decaying empire!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

BOWDLERIZE

v. to expurgate (a written work) by removing or modifying passages considered vulgar or objectionable.

Named after this bitch. It is something Ned Flanders would do to a copy of On the Banks of Plum Creek with a black magic marker if Rod and Todd were going to read it.

Also, congratulations to WordGnerd Heather for her winning comment! She has won an all expense paid trip to the Milky Way! Thanks for playing, everyone. No really, only one person commented! LAME!

TRANSUBSTANTIATION

n. the change of the substance of bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ occurring during some Christian masses. It does not taste like bread OR chicken! Take my word for it! I know its definitely not supposed to burn when you eat it, though. That really hurt that time. Does that mean I'm going to hell? Does it?

Comments are turned on for the first time, so please feel free to express your outrage. Also, I will send a delicious candy bar to the virtuous reader who can come up with the most hilarious sentence using today's word.

Hillary eats babies.

DACTYLOMEGALY

n. abnormal largeness of fingers or toes.

MYRMIDON

n. a subordinate who executes orders unquestioningly or unscrupulously

Those of you who have had a halfway decent education will remember that, in the Iliad, "Myrmidons" was the name of Achilles' soldiers. From the Greek word "murmekes" meaning "bitches" "ants," these soldiers were bad asses who did everything they were told, no matter how absurd, not unlike your recently married humble author these days (minus the bad ass part).

Doze of yous hoo r bearlee litrit nuff to reed diss blugh and halve no idear what dee f*ck I'm sayin 'bout wil probally enjoy this. Eye shur did!